5 Ways to Cool your Jets in an Emotional Crisis
Have you ever made a decision in the heat of the moment, when you are at your highest point of emotional intensity? Think about that decision. Was it effective in meeting your goals? It may have been satisfying in the moment, but my guess is that it was NOT the most effective and rational decision that you have made in your life. The truth of it is that we are not really capable of making rational and healthy decisions for ourselves and others when we are in serious emotional states such as extreme anger, significant sadness, hurt, etc. If you find yourself in the middle of an emotional crisis, here are ways to calm yourself down to get to a space in which you can make effective decisions.
1.) Stop and breathe. It sounds cliché, but it really works and it’s easy to use in any situation. My yoga teacher has me to do the breathing in which you close the right nostril with your thumb and breathe in with the other nostril. Then, simultaneously release the nostril as you breathe out with it and use the pointer finger to close the left nostril. Then breathe back in with the same nostril while closing the other. You get the idea...repeat until you have chilled out. Pick your fave breathing style, whatever works for you. Just STOP and breathe.
2.) Soothe yourself with your senses. If you are a dog lover like me, you’ll notice that your favorite way to complete your day is snuggled up with your pup on the couch. So, why not use this strategy in the heat of the moment? When I feel really upset or sad, I give my adorable Labrador mix a huge hug and pet his soft ears. The sensory experience of petting those velvety ears is enough to snap me out of it! This strategy is using your touch sense. Can you think of other sensory experiences that would calm you in the moment? For your hearing sense, you can listen to soothing music or play the opposite music of what you’re feeling (i.e. 90’s rap when you’re sad, classical when you’re angry). For smell, I like to put lavender essential oil in my aromatherapy diffuser. Or I make a strong cup of coffee and just sit with it outside on my porch. All good things. Taste and vision are also options. Maybe a cup of tea for taste or a hike in the woods for vision? Get creative!
3.) Distract yourself! Squirrel! No, but seriously. Distraction is an awesome skill to bring your emotional heat down to a reasonable temperature. How do you trick yourself into another state of mind? Lots of options! Try playing a categories game in your mind...name all of the states in the U.S., identify current celebrity couples, list your top five (movies, bands, books, etc.). Flip your attention to another activity and fully participate in your distraction activity. Allow your brain to take a break. The point of this skill is to trick your brain into thinking about something else for a second so that your emotions have time to calm down and you can make a more rational decision when you come back to the situation.
4.) Take a moment! Is it a life or death emergency? Are you an ER doctor preparing to treat a patient in critical condition? Probably not. Often times, we want to react or respond in the moment because it feels immediately gratifying. If you are like me, it may feel uncomfortable to give yourself time to think. However, I find that I can approach a situation with more logic and calmness if I step away for a bit. So, before you react, take a sec. Just walk away or politely excuse yourself in a situation with another person. But always come back to it. This is not a skill to avoid, just a temporary moment of space so that you can think more rationally and make more effective decisions.
5.) Use a lifeline! For reals. Phone a friend. Pick someone who will actually support you in calming down. Probably not the time to call the friend who challenges you. Perhaps it is the friend who validates you or the friend who can distract you/make you giggle. You may have different people that you call for different occasions. This is a great option, especially when the above skills are not working and you’ve got to call in the reinforcements.
In summary, the idea is to prevent and prepare as much as we can for emotional crises. If you know that Thanksgiving with your family is going to be a total nightmare, create an emotional safety plan for the occasion. If you know that you have a long day at work and that you are going to be tired and cranky when you get home, use these skills when you walk in the door. Emotional crises are going to happen in life, whether we like it or not. Stress happens. So, prepare yourself. Write down a few of these options. Screenshot a list on your phone. Put post-it notes on your desk at work. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself that there are easy and tangible things to do when you’re pissed, upset, hurt, sad, scared, ashamed, whatever. And remember, these skills are used to deal with the intense emotions that may surface in the moment. They are not meant to replace the actual skills you need to then deal with the crisis or situation once you calm down. That is a whole other blog!
Good luck! And breathe!
Written by Kristen McCormick, LPC
*Disclaimer: This blog is my personal thoughts about mental health and mental health practices. It is not intended to replace therapy, counseling, or medications. If you are in mental health crisis, please call your county’s mental health crisis line or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255. In the event of an emergency, please dial 9-1-1.