Shut that sh%# down and be present!
Shut that sh%# down and be present!
A therapist’s attempt at being mindful
I just finished taking a walk around my neighborhood in Portland with my adorable dog. After about 10 minutes, I realized that I was spending the entire walk on my phone...just scrolling through Instagram and mindlessly walking down the street. Unaware of my surroundings (and not to mention traffic), I barely noticed the pull of the leash as my dog trotted along and sniffed the world around him. In that moment, I decided that I wanted to write a blog about mindfulness. Not because I am particularly good (oops...judgment) at being mindful, but because I am a work-in-progress as most humans tend to be. And please note that as I am writing this piece, the second season of True Detective is blasting in the background.
Shut that shit down. Okay, it’s off. So, here we go.
What is mindfulness?
For those who haven’t spent thousands of dollars on mindfulness workshops or practice meditation daily (i.e. my tribe), this word may be foreign to you. So, let’s break it down together. And simply. For me, mindfulness is being aware of what is going on around you and/or inside of you. It is bringing intention to your attention. Mindfulness is being present, being fully in the moment.
How to be mindful?
Such a mystery, right? Do I need to be a superhuman yogi from the woo-woo world, chanting and sitting still for hours on end, with a blank mind? Well, no judgment there...to each their own. However, it can be much simpler than changing your entire personality and lifestyle. So, let’s break it down.
First, our body sensations. Most humans have up to 5 senses, correct? A sense of smell, vision, hearing, touching, and tasting. So, let’s start with those sensations. Pick an activity…a very simple one. One of my personal favorites is doing the dishes. Hey, we’ve all got to do them at one point or another. Now, instead of letting your mind wander as we tend to do, really focus on washing the dishes. Notice the temperature of the water. Is it hot or cold? Notice the sensation of the suds in between your fingers. What do you smell? Is your dish soap scented? What do you see? Focus on the detail of the sponge that you are holding, the plate that you are rinsing. What are the noises around you? Can you tune into the clinking of the dishes as you place them in the sink? Are there other noises in the kitchen around you? If random thoughts about future events pop up, notice them and let them go. Return to your intentional attention. No need to judge. Nobody is perfect and everything we learn takes practice.
Second, our thoughts. We briefly touched on them in the previous paragraph. Thoughts are there, most of the time. They might interfere with our presence in our activities or assist us in planning our days. Thoughts can be useful if we can train our brain to use them in ways that are effective. So, while practicing our mindfulness, we are just noticing our thoughts. Oh hey, there’s a thought. Hmm...I just had a thought about what I need to buy so I can make dinner. Notice the thought and let it pass by. Lots of people have great imagery techniques for letting thoughts go such as “clouds drifting by in the sky” or “watching the train cars pass by as you stand by the side of the tracks.” If you are less imaginative like me, this area may take a bit more effort. Bring awareness to your thoughts, notice if you are allowing yourself to hold on to them, and then give a tiny bit of energy to let them pass by. It may be difficult at first…it is for me! Practice helps though. It really does.
Third, our feelings! Oh yeah, we’ve got feelings. Yes, we do. Feelings are (again) part of what makes us human. We cannot stop our feelings. They are there. There are skills to manage or regulate our emotions, but that’s a whole other blog. Stay tuned and focused. On this…hehe. Mindfulness. So yeah, feelings. How do we practice mindfulness when we are feeling anxious, panicked, sad, angry, etc.? Well, again...it’s all about just noticing. Notice the emotion. Say to yourself, “hmm...I am feeling anxious.” Refrain from judging the emotion or trying to change it. Just notice it. Bring attention to how the emotion feels in your body, what it might be doing to your thoughts. And then try to return to the present. When emotions are really big (meaning too much to manage), it may NOT be the time to be mindful. For instance, if you are level 10 angry at your partner, it may not be the best time to be mindful. Distraction or another activity might be more helpful until you can regulate yourself and bring yourself to a calmer state of mind. Trust yourself. Initially, practice being mindful in less emotional moments so that you can build up your mindfulness muscles.
What NOT to do while practicing mindfulness?
Let’s try to not judge ourselves. I mean...come on. There are so many moments in which we need to evaluate situations and make quick judgments. Let’s allow ourselves a small portion of our lives in which refrain from making judgments. Positive or negative...they are all judgments. Judgments are shortcuts to make our daily lives a little easier or a little speedier. However, when it comes to mindfulness, judgments are not super helpful. So, let’s practice being mindful without them. But please, oh please...do not judge your judgments. Again, just notice and let them pass by.
Don’t set yourself up for failure! For instance, it may not be super effective to expect that you can practice your first mindfulness activity in a room full of people for 3 hours. Again, pick lower states of emotion, smaller amounts of time, and simpler activities. Increase your mastery and confidence of the skill so you can build yourself up to harder tasks and moments.
Why do it?
The other day, my husband complained to me, “you’re always on your phone.” And I retorted, “so are you. When you get off of your phone, I will too.” Why wait? Notice what mindfulness can do for your relationships. Have you sat in a coffee shop and looked around lately? I can pretty much guarantee that you will see 8 people around you, drinking coffee and mindlessly scrolling through their phones. Social media and the internet have taken over our lives. They are there…in almost every situation. I am not going to rant about how the world should stop being the way that it is right now. But for reals...social media and the internet are really impacting our relationships and the way that we exist in the world. One more example. I recently saw a photo of a friend who is visiting Costa Rica. In the caption, she used the hashtag #puravida which essentially means “pure life” in Spanish. It would have been an awesome post if the photo were not 4 humans sitting in a beautiful setting near a beach, ALL on their phones. Again, no judgments. We ALL do it…AND we can practice spending moments of time in which we are being fully present with our partners, our friends, and in the activities we enjoy.
Final thoughts?
Shut that shit down and just do it. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Happy trails to you from your work-in-progress therapist!
Warmly,